What Have We Done?
by Teary-Eyed Angel
Summary: After a tough case, JJ comforts Reid. Comfort leads to something more. How do they deal with the aftermath?


A/N: Ok, so it's been quite awhile since I've even attempted a fic. And this is my first for Criminal Minds. I'm fairly new to the fandom.

I can tell you that this will be a multi-chapter fic, but I can make no promises on when it will be updated. Encouragement (possibly in the form of reviews) may speed up the process. But again, I make no promises.

Future chapters (the next one) will contain explicit content. I will change the story rating when it is posted.

I tried to make this as in character as I possibly could. If it seems too OOC, please let me know and any suggestions on how to correct that would be greatly appreciated. Also, any other comments or helpful criticisms are welcomed. But please don't waste my time or yours by posting flames.

And with that, I apologize for the drawn out a/n and will let you get to the story.

* * *

The case had been tough on all of them. Marcus Calhoun had stalked his victims; threatened them and their families until their only way out was suicide. He'd been at it for years. He would have kept going if it weren't for one young woman who had refused to be frightened. It had brought up memories—nightmares—for many of the team.

Because of such emotional exhaustion, JJ just wanted to come home, kiss her son, and fall asleep in her husband's arms. But, of course, in true BAU style, nothing ever happened the way you wanted it to.

JJ stepped out of Henry's room, closing the door behind her, and walked into her husband's waiting arms. She sighed. This was exactly what she needed.

Will's hand stroked her hair and he pressed his lips to the top of her golden locks. "I hate seeing you like this." His voice was heavy with sleep.

JJ sighed and snuggled deeper into his chest. "That makes two of us."

Will's arms tightened around her, as if he knew his next words would make her pull away. "I wish you would consider quitting."

His assumption had been correct. JJ broke free of his embrace. "Please, not now." She left him to follow her into their bedroom.

"I'm not saying leave the Bureau. Just transfer to another unit. One that lets you be home every night and—" Will abruptly stopped his advance as to not run into his wife when she suddenly spun on a heel to face him, a fire in her watery eyes.

"We've been over this," she nearly shouted. Then, mindful of the sleeping child in the next room, lowered her voice. "I love my team. I love my job, even with all the gritty depraved details." JJ ran a hand through her hair to calm herself down.

She looked up at her husband; a man who had stood beside her through all of the twists and turns of their relationship. "I left once, Will. I hated it." She sighed and took the two steps to stand in front of him. She laid a hand on his chest and looked him in the eye, begging him to understand. "The BAU is where I belong."

There was a stretch of silence before Will took a deep breath, his chest rising beneath her hand. He covered it with his own. "What if I made you choose?"

It took a moment for her foggy mind to register the words, but when they finally computed, JJ abruptly took a step back, wrenching her hand from his. "Don't." And that one word said so many things.

"I've been thinking about it for awhile now," Will continued.

JJ took another step back, her legs hitting the bed. "Don't." This time, it was more of a plea than a demand.

"JJ—"

"No." She ran fingers through her hair angrily. "You knew what you were getting into when we started dating; when we got _married_." She took a shaky breath. "I'm not going to do this right now."

"Then when?" Will's voice took on a frustrated tone. "When do we ever have time to have this conversation?" His volume continued to rise. "Not tonight, fine. Tomorrow you'll be on another case halfway across the country." He took angry steps towards her. "When are you going to stop being selfish and put your family first?" His voice was at a volume JJ had never heard before.

Before she could retaliate with a scathing comment of her own, a small, sleepy voice broke into the conversation.

"Mommy, are you and Daddy fighting?" Henry stood just inside the bedroom door, one little hand rubbing his tired eyes.

JJ instantly forgot what she had been about to say to her husband. The fiery anger in her eyes died without a trace of its existence left behind.

"I'm so sorry we woke you, baby." A spark ignited in her eyes again as she glanced at Will. "Come on," she said, reaching for her son's hand, "let's go back to bed."

Henry took his mother's hand and let her lead him back to his room. It took only moments of her soft voice singing his favorite lullaby for him to drift off once again.

JJ returned to her own bedroom, intent on ending the argument for tonight and simply crashing as hard as she could into a, hopefully, dreamless sleep. When she entered the bedroom, she was surprised to find Will fully dressed.

"Where are you going?" she questioned, maybe a bit too harshly.

Will didn't look at her as he replied, "Out. I'll find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I just," he did look up at her then, studying the blue eyes he loved so much, "I need to think."

JJ remained silent as Will brushed past her. She didn't move until moments after she heard the front door close behind him.

Moving towards the bed, she ran her hands over her face in exhaustion. Her fingers came back wet with tears and only then did she let herself break down completely. She curled up on her own side of the bed and sobbed.

* * *

She must have dozed off because she woke to the sound of her cell phone ringing.

_Oh, hell no_, she thought, but checked the screen anyway. It was Reid. She had told him long ago that if he ever needed to talk, she'd be there.

Taking a breath and blinking her eyes, trying to wake herself up enough to be coherent, she answered the call.

"Hey, Spence." Her voice sounded groggy and rough to her own ears.

"Hey. Did I wake you?" was his reply.

"No," JJ lied, "What's up?"

"Liar," Reid accused quietly.

JJ sighed, a small smile forming on her lips. Ever the profiler he was. "I dozed off. I wasn't sleeping."

She expected him to explain to her that dozing did, in fact, mean she was sleeping and therefore he had woken her up. But she was met with only silence.

"Spence?" she questioned hesitantly. She was about to say his name again when she was met with silence, but then—

"I'm having a hard time, Jayje."

JJ sat up in bed, sleep completely forgotten.

"I'm here for you, Spence. I'm right here. Talk to me." She leaned back against the headboard.

"Come over?" His voice sounded like a scared child in the dark.

JJ was halfway off the bed when she remembered the events of earlier that night.

"Shit," she whispered. "Will's gone. I can't leave Henry alone." She stood up from the bed and began to pace. She couldn't leave her son alone, of course, but if Reid was left alone in his current state of mind, the consequences could be dire.

"Of course not." His tone was almost robotic. "I'm sorry I woke you up. Goodnight, JJ."

JJ stopped him before he could hang up. "Spence. Give me a half hour?"

She could hear his smile in his simple response, "Ok."

JJ had to smile herself, but it was gone as soon as it came. "I'm on my way, Spence. Don't do anything you'll regret." She was met with silence and the beep of the ended call.

She immediately dialed another number. As she waited for an answer—Garcia never didn't answer her calls—she began to pack a bag for Henry.

She was half done when a groggy voice answered, "I love you, but this better be important."

JJ smiled at her friend. Penelope Garcia was one of a kind.

"It is. Reid's not doing great and I have no one to take care of Henry."

"Where's Will?"

JJ finished packing Henry's bag and zipped it shut as she answered, "Long story. I promise I'll tell you later. Can I drop him off?"

Garcia's voice was more awake now. "Of course. I would never say no to some godson bonding time."

JJ headed for Henry's room. "Great. I'll be there in fifteen."

Before she could hang up, Garcia, being probably the most perceptive of the team, profiler or not, asked quietly, "Hey, Jayje? You ok?"

JJ stopped just outside of Henry's room. She sighed. "Honestly? I don't know."

Trusting that her friend would fill her in later, Garcia let the subject drop. "Ok. See you in a few," she said before ending the call.

* * *

It was just under the estimated fifteen minute mark when JJ pulled up to Garcia's apartment building. She handed over a sleeping Henry and rambled a quick, "You're the best. I love you. I owe you one. I'll explain everything later," before racing to Reid's apartment.

Running up the stairs as fast as she could—every moment counted in a situation like this, she knew—she was out of breath when she wrapped her knuckles against the door of apartment 23 in a very police-like manner.

When he didn't open the door right away, JJ tried the knob, finding it open. She entered the apartment, locking the door behind her and called out for its resident, "Spence?"

A moment after she called his name, Reid emerged from the bathroom. His eyes were bloodshot and hazy.

JJ immediately ran to his side, grabbing his arms for inspection. "Oh, God, Spence, you didn't..."

Reid looked at the blonde for a moment, seeming to have a hard time processing her words. When realization dawned, he was quick to reassure his anxious best friend. "No. Jayje. I was just—nature called."

JJ grabbed his face, not quite convinced. "Your eyes—"

"I can't sleep," he cut her off. "I haven't been able to close my eyes since this case began."

He took her hands from his face and held them. "I wouldn't call you and then shoot up. As much as I want to right now," he let go of her hands and held his arms straight in front of him, elbow down, "I'm clean. I promise."

JJ sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't—"

"It's ok." He looked into her questioning blue orbs. "Really."

JJ sighed and flung her arms around his torso, holding him tightly.

Reid returned the hug, resting his chin atop her head.

* * *

They talked for hours; about the nightmares and the wish to forget—to make the pain go away.

It was almost dawn as JJ sat on the couch, Reid's head in her lap, the rest of his body stretched along the length of the cushions. She ran her fingers through his hair idly with one hand while the other rested on his chest.

"The rest of the team...we've all had time to heal. But for you, it's still so fresh."

Reid turned in her lap to look up at her and placed a hand over the one on his chest.

"I still have nightmares. I go over and over it in my mind, trying to figure out what I could have done differently."

JJ stopped her ministrations in his hair and pried her fingers from under his to take his face in her hands. "You listen to me very closely, Spencer Reid. There is absolutely nothing you could have done. The only way for it to end, in her mind, was for them both to die." JJ used her thumbs to wipe away the tears that fell from his eyes. "Nothing you could have done would've changed that."

Reid closed his eyes against the tears. "Logically, I know that. As long as Maeve was alive, she would always feel inferior." He sighed as he looked JJ in the eye. "That doesn't make it stop hurting."

JJ wiped some stray tears that had escaped despite Reid's best efforts to lock them in. "I hate to tell you this, Spence, but when you lose someone you love, it never stops hurting."

"JJ?" His voice was quiet.

"Yeah, Spence?"

The look in his eyes made her heart stop. It was so...broken.

"Never leave me?"

She sniffed back her own tears as she answered, "I'll always be here, Spence. I promise."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

After a few minutes, JJ tapped him on the chest. "Hey. Why don't we try to get some sleep?"

Reid slowly raised himself up off the couch. "Yeah. You can crash here. I'll take the couch."

JJ stood up and stretched. "Spence, I've been laying on this couch for hours and I can tell you that no one that values the ability to move should sleep on it." She chuckled at his nervous look. "We're adults, Spence. We can share a bed."

"Uh, yeah. Of course we can. It's just sleeping. It's not like your physically fit husband is going to beat the crap out of me just for sleeping in the same bed," he rambled as he followed her into his bedroom.

"Don't worry," she threw over her shoulder, "I'll protect you."

JJ began riffling through Reid's drawers, obviously looking for something.

Reid watched her for a moment in silence, smiling. Knowing exactly what she was looking for, he walked over, bent down to the bottom drawer and came back up with a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old Cal-Tech t-shirt. He held them out to her.

JJ smiled, taking the offered clothes. "Thank you." She grabbed her phone from where she had set it on the dresser. "Hey, can I use your charger? My phone's almost dead."

Reid took the phone from her hand. "No problem," he answered as he walked to his nightstand and plugged it in.

JJ rushed off to the bathroom to change and Reid busied himself with pulling the covers back on the bed. For some reason, it seemed important that his bed looked presentable.

JJ returned to Reid fluffing the pillows. She smiled. He was so cute sometimes.

Reid turned when he was done placing the pillows just so and blushed to see JJ watching him.

Without comment, JJ began making her way to the opposite side of the bed.

Before she could get too far, Reid grabbed her hand to stop her progress.

"JJ." His voice was soft.

She looked up at him, a question in her eyes.

"I just wanted to—I mean, you didn't have to—"

JJ squeezed his hand, urging him to continue.

Reid sighed. Looking her dead in the eye, he spoke clearly. "Thank you."

JJ stepped toward him, decreasing the distance between them to mere millimeters. Taking his face in her hands, she rubbed her thumbs along his cheeks.

"Spence, you don't ever have to thank me. I love you. Being here for you is kind of part of the package." Her eyes dipped slowly to his lips and her thumbs followed suit, gently caressing them.

Reid's breath hitched and for only the second time in his life, he couldn't think of a single statistic or fact. The only thing he could think of was how her lips would feel against his own. And before his brain could tell him how bad of an idea it was, he mirrored her grip on his face and smashed their lips together, finding out that all the fantasies he had ever had about this woman were so far from reality that his heart broke.

As a man of science, he knows there is no solid proof that God exists, but as he kissed Jennifer Jareau, Dr. Spencer Reid believed in heaven.

For a moment when Reid's lips touched hers, JJ froze. But it was only a moment and then her hands tangled in his hair and she opened her mouth to him.

Reid pulled away when JJ's tongue met his own.

"JJ, I'm so sor—"

She cut him off by pulling his mouth back to hers.

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation; maybe it was the emotional toll of recent events; or maybe it was just a need for a little physical comfort. But whatever the reason, there were no more objections.

* * *

A/N: Ok, so let me have it. And remember, I'm a little rusty.


End file.
